I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize