Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
