just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
