Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
