Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
