you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
