Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize