Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
