I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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