You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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