Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
