I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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