im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
