My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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