dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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