dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
