fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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