The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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