So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
