id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
