beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
