i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
