she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
