i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
