sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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