i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
