Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
