last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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