You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
