do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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