nut hugger
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
