1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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