home. puking in laundry basket.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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