My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
