so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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