I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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