As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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