It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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