So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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