Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
