FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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