i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
