My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
