yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When are your genitals available?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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