too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just found a bag of teeth...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
