Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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