I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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