I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have aggressive nipples.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
