Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.

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(586): Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet. http://tfl.nu/oze0

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(775): View more from Nevada

You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.

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(775): You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape. http://tfl.nu/xad4

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(702): View more from Nevada

I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.

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(702): I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high. http://tfl.nu/9ove

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.

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(304): I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th. http://tfl.nu/t8ll

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(504): View more from Louisiana

i came on her dog

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(504): i came on her dog http://tfl.nu/ocp2

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(+45): View more from Denmark

Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.

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(+45): Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired. http://tfl.nu/rbaa

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?

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(832): Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday? http://tfl.nu/ynw6

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.

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(+44): i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit. http://tfl.nu/4l0m

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?

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(248): Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain? http://tfl.nu/gohm

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.

(513): View more from Ohio

I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.

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(513): I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote. (513): I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now. http://tfl.nu/2ikr

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(904): View more from Florida

All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!

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(904): All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted! http://tfl.nu/btgq

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(646): View more from New York

In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.

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(646): In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night. http://tfl.nu/mfpz

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(317): View more from Indiana

You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.

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(317): You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow. http://tfl.nu/p8o5

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(801): View more from Utah

It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).

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(801): It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word). http://tfl.nu/10dp

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(615): View more from Tennessee

May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn

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(615): May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn http://tfl.nu/hucd

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