If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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