do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
