Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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