i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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