Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
