Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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