I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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