they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
