so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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