How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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