Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
