Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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