mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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