just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
