I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
